God, what really matters?
I seem unable to escape that question while on vacation at home; the lack of imposed structure on my day requires that I choose which activities to engage in and which to ignore. In the midst of demanding classes and facebook invites to social events, life at school is easier cause it sorta seems like decisions are made for me; at least, it’s easier to make excuses for how I use my time (oh, well I don’t have time for that cause have to study right now…I should go to this game night cause I ought to see these people…) Yet I still manage to waste a lot of time. This scenario happens repeatedly and it drives me crazy: I’ll be preparing to do something important (crank out some homework, hang out with God, etc), decide to use the restroom before I start, then—without consciously determining to do so—spend half an hour in front of the mirror playing with my hair or something. I can unconsciously waste so much time on things that might seem temporarily important but have such a short span of significance! Take food: I feel as though I spend an unproportional amount of time and mental space thinking about, planning, preparing, and eating food. Sure, it’s also unhealthy to ignore it, but compared to things that hold longer—not to mention eternal!—value, what I put into my body is so quickly dismissed from my being. So why let it be such a focus, a distraction?! What about running? That’s a tricky one that often depends on my motives. I appreciate that running is something that holds value in my life, which is unique from anything else I experience. I enjoy the sensation of victorious effort as I conquer challenge after challenge to break new limits. However, as magnificent as these markers seem in the moment (summiting an intimidating hill, finishing a new speed workout, reaching an unprecedented distance) they are so pathetically small compared with the things of the Kingdom of God. Yes, running does make me a stronger person, unites my mind and body, and makes an appreciable difference in a tangible way (building the foundation from which I can go great distances and conquer new challenges)…not to mention the mental and emotional benefits as my mind is freed to think and process, meet with God in a unique way and have space to be me. Still, at the end of the day it only holds a little value, whereas training for godliness holds value both in this life (enables you to experience the fullest possible quality of life!) and in the greater life to come.
I sometimes secretly shudder to imagine the crowds of redeemed witnesses, stuffing the home bleachers (maybe a few superfans in glowing body paint), observing me from heaven with their breath caught in their throats—eagerly longing to see me stop chasing the wind and beating the air and wake up to the worthwhile realities around me. God forbid that this should be true! Sure, everyone stumbles and falls; but the crowds cheer wildly as we courageously pick ourselves up and resume the fight. I don’t wanna be the kid out in left field, digging in the dirt while the pop fly is sailing over my oblivious head. I don’t wanna miss out on a single play!
Praise be to God for the wondrous mystery by which and for which my life holds meaning.
I am filled with zealous hope to powerfully echo Paul’s message: “Brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through Him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses.” (Acts 13:38-39)
Acts 14:1-3 got me thinking. “Paul and Barnabas went as usual to the Jewish synagogue. There they spoke so effectively that a great number o Jews and Gentiles believed.” Cool. So they’re visiting at this place, and they’re strategically targeting a location where they can proclaim their message and have a profound impact as the Spirit works through them. “But the Jews who refused to believe stirred up the Gentiles and poisoned their minds against the brothers.” Grrr…some people just had to be stupid and work against them. Time to shrug your shoulders, shake off the dirt from your feet, and move on? Just wait: “So Paul and Barnabas spent considerable time there, speaking boldly for the Lord, who confirmed the message of his grace by enabling them to do miraculous signs and wonders.” Whoa. As I read this, it immediately triggered images in my mind of life at Western. It feels like a place that’s not my home but where I find myself spending considerable time (4yrs!). Sometimes I just doubt that I’m doing much, such as last quarter when I felt like I just hid in my apartment with my nose in a book or making excuses why I didn’t want to go do something for some reason ultimately springing from an addiction to comfort (which is so weird as I just explained my love for challenging myself as in running. I guess I’m weird.) I wanna get in the zone like Paul & Barney, stepping it up in the face of opposition and letting myself be more vulnerable and yielded to God, trusting more and stepping out in more radical faith…giving God the space to fill my words and actions with power and enabling me to do miraculous signs and wonders if that’s what would bring Him glory.
Though it sends butterflies filling my stomach and a deep, nervous breath filling my lungs, the incomparable value of Paul’s testimony are the goal I’m going to run towards by the grace of God. Acts 20:18-24: [Paul testifying to the local church elders] “You know how I lived the whole time I was with you, from the first day I came into {WWU}. I served the Lord with great humility and with tears, although I was severely tested by the plots of the {liberals, pagans}. You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house. I have declared to both {Red Robin employees} and {Fairhaven, Ridgeway, BW residents} that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus. And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to {Africa? Psychology class?}, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.”
Insert whatever circumstances, cultural contexts, subgroups you want—that’s the life of a Christian. Not to merely count all things as loss (what kind of life is that?!) but to actively recognize that Jesus Christ is the most valuable “cause” we could ever imagine. Sometimes I’ve focused too much on how I’m emptying myself, and forget about what I’m to be filled with! When we see Jesus as the Treasure of greatest price, we can’t scramble quickly enough to sell off our current crap so we can just get Him!
This article by Tim Keller is incredible, a must-read! One thing I’ve loved is “Christian humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less, as C. S. Lewis so memorably said. It is to be no longer always noticing yourself and how you are doing and how you are being treated. It is "blessed self-forgetfulness."”
God, thank You for sending the greatest Gift imaginable in the person of Jesus Christ. Thank You for shattering the barrier between Your glorious Self and broken humanity. Thank You for forgiving my failures, patiently enduring my ignorance, and graciously pouring blessing upon blessing into my life. I’ll never understand why You want me, but thank You that You love me and for the power you enact to liberate me from myself. You are King, You are God; to You alone be all glory, honor and power forever and ever. Amen.
