Saturday, May 9, 2009

"In my [_____], I cried to [_____]..."
Humans are in constant pursuit of something greater than themselves, aren't we?! As circumstances change in our little unstable lives, it seems that most people seek out something greater to find hope, meaning and security in. Think about how people from every walk of life are stunned alike when faced with the massive grandeur of the Grand Canyon, or the universal captivation by the almost supernatural performances in the Olympics. We're just so easy to impress :)
I believe that we instinctively turn to that source of hope in various instances. I could say that, "In my happiness, I cried to running" "In my fatigue, I cried to coffee" or "In my distress, I cried to the Internet", and those would all reflect how various emotions inspire my attention to focus on that greater thing, with my current state as an offering (and they would all be true).

"...[it] answered by [______]..."
Well, that's no surprise. The reason we look to something is for a response, right? Doesn't science claim that every action produces an equal and opposite reaction? In my happiness, I cry to [running] in faith that it will act to magnify my happiness. In my fatigue, I cry to [coffee] in faith that it will overpower my fatigue. In my distress, I cry to [the internet] because I believe that it will soothe and ease my distress. Our crying out is grounded in faith because we don't really know what it will do for us; I hope that coffee will overcome my fatigue, but sometimes it makes me feel more sick. I hope that going for a run through a beautiful trail will increase my happiness, but I risk tripping and spraining my ankle, being eaten by a grizzly bear, or just not running well and getting frustrated with myself--all of which would greatly reverse my happiness and make me wish I'd stayed on the couch. There's risk involved when we give some of ourselves to something beyond us...but we act in faith that our choice will give us the best return for our investment.
Really, though--how trustworthy is [whatever you turn to] to produce the desired result? Countless things could be plugged in to the linguistic equation to accurately depict anyone's habitual worship. Yeah, you read that right--I said worship. Truly, when I give myself (any of myself) to running, I am reinforcing its position as my highest value at that time (otherwise, why bother?!). I'm saying that it's worthy of what I'm giving, more than anything else (otherwise, I'd give it to that thing, right?!) I think that worship is basically recognizing something for what it inherently is, seeing its value, and acting in accordance.
I have cried to various things in joy, despair, emptiness, and longing. Yet each time I seem to end up in that same place of dissatisfaction, still aching for satiety and fulfillment. What's worse, I feel as though I become dehumanized in the process: less concerned about the things I know I care about, and more mindlessly indulging in pointless things. And I often even feel more enslaved by the day to that pursuit as I quickly forget what a full life is like.
I think that a guy David, writing 2,000+ years ago, put it well as he said that the idols of the world "have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but they cannot see; they have ears, but cannot hear, nor is there breath in their mouths. Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them." So true--we cry out, in faith that they will answer us as we desire; but they are truly mute and only serve as black holes to our humanity and dignity.

So what's the point? What matters? What can be inserted in that provocative statement that is trustworthy to produce the desired result? What even is that result?
For me, freedom has always been the desire. I crave freedom from stupid things of the world or society that clamp their slimy chains on me, I crave freedom from evil voices telling me that I'm not worthy as I am but must do [_____], I crave freedom from my own insatiably critical mind. I desire to live an enriched, full life; to love, laugh, dance, sing, cry, and feel...really living beyond the desperate limitations imposed by my crazy brain, in blessed self-forgetfulness, enjoying the beautiful world around me and living every moment to the fullest.

Today, this was my experience.
Blank #1: In my [despair]...yes, I was distraught, frustrated, feeling defeated.
Blank #2: In my despair, I cried to [food, rest, Internet wisdom]...in hopes that my physical weakness would be overcome by any tangible means I could look to. They only deepened my sorrow and frustration.
Later, however, I did something different. I got off the couch and took my sulking body outside to walk quietly in the glorious sunlight, with birds singing gladly all around and tall trees proudly displaying their strength. And I cried to the Lord. Letting go of my previous pursuits of other sources of hope, I emptied myself and cried to my Maker, the Giver of Life. My eyes poured forth tears, and my mouth rocked in laughter, as I was washed anew with the unsearchably rich love of my God, through Jesus Christ. This statement rang through my head (and inspired the above musings) and I will claim its Truth with my last breath:
In my [distress], I cried to [the Lord]; [He] answered by [setting me free]. (Psalm 118:5-6 NIV, ESV, Amplified)
*It gets even better: "The LORD is with me/on my side. I will not be afraid. What can anything in creation do to me?!"

NOTHING. The Creator is on your side, on your team, fighting for you. Therefore your only opposition can be something created by the Creator, such as a person, spirit, bacteria. Certainly those can all do good things as well as undeniably damaging things. But, the promise is that, though they can strike you down, they have no power to keep you down--you belong to the Mighty God of the Universe, and His perfect love fiercely casts out all fear. Can you think of something that can separate you from that love? Could trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? A broken family, failing health, unforseeable future? No, silly--in all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him Who loved us. So writes the most notorious persecutor of Christians (whose life was radically transformed by Jesus Himself): "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither heighth nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8)